He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
