I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
