i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
