Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is Oprah even human
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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