The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
