he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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