just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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