Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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