my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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