umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
