apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
