I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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