I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
