I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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