Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I met the friendliest cop last night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
