You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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