We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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