Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
