big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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