I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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