I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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