A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize