Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
