he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
