I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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