did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Randomize
