How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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