yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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