I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you still have your period?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
