What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i barfeds in our rink
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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