I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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