'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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