Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
