I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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