I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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