He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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