I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
