i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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