you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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