and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
