i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
