I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
