I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
