so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
