it's like iHOP with fire
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
