Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
