Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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