Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
