I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
