I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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