yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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