If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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